Friday the 15th March is the national day of action against bullying and this gives us the opportunity to think about this harmful activity at schools that unfortunately a large amount of children have to deal with on a daily basis. Statistics indicate that 1 in 7 school aged children report being bullied at some point in time during their school years. Nowadays, cyber bullying has also become a common phenomenon, which has led to children not only being bullied at school but also in their home environment.
For parents it is often a difficult situation to manage as every parent wants to protect their child from harm but usually it will happen when they are not physically present and therefore parents are not always aware of the bullying. In order to recognize, prevent and respond to bullying in schools, it’s important to understand what bullying actually is and what the warning signs are to look out for.
The national definition of bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. This can include a group or an individual mistreating and violating someone else’s rights. This usually involves people that feel as if they can’t stop it from happening. As mentioned above, bullying nowadays happens not only in person but also via various digital platforms and devices and it can be obvious (overt) or hidden (covert). What separates bullying from being mean is that bullying behaviour is repeated over time.
For children, bullying can be extremely traumatising and can therefore have immediate, medium and long-term effects on them, including bystanders. For example it can impact on their sense of self, their self-esteem and they are at greater risk for both mental health and behavioural issues such as anxiety and depression.
Children who are being bullied often are reluctant to tell their parents or teachers about it as they may think it’s their own fault and/or that adults won’t do anything to stop the bullying. For that reason, it’s key to learn to recognize the following warning signs that might indicate that your child is being bullied:
- Has frequent nightmares
- Acts aggressively
- Loses or has damaged possession
- Doesn’t want to go to school
- Has no friends or party invitations
- Gets hurt or bruised
So, what do you do when you notice that your child is being bullied? Watching your child struggle is one of the greatest challenges of parenting. It can be easy to feel helpless as a parent when it comes to helping your children with bullying whether it is at school or online. There are different tools that can be applied to help you support your child to deal with bullying:
First of all, try to remain calm when your child is ready to tell you what has been happening for them at school as you want your child to feel comfortable. Questions such as “What happened next?” are helpful to let your child feel heard. Try to avoid negative comments by telling them to stand up for themselves.
As a parent, discuss with your child what reactions bullies are looking for, which are for example getting angry or upset. Develop a plan together with your child of how to respond in a way to defuse the situation. Practice makes perfect and therefore role play is a useful tool to allow your child to practice their responses and to gain confidence doing so.
Another important point is that it helps your child to understand why someone bullies as this externalises the problem and will give them that reassurance that the bullying has nothing to do with them. Explaining your child that the bullies might need attention to make themselves feel better or copies other children’s behaviour will contribute to your child’s self-esteem.
Another step to take is to talk to your child’s teacher or a school psychologist about the bullying.
Besides being bullied at school, bullying may extend now through social media. Therefore, it’s important to keep a watchful eye on your child’s online activities.
A psychologist can provide you additional emotional support and tools to get your family through this challenge. Psychologists can help with: realizing and acknowledging the damage and humiliation that has occurred, dealing with the events associated with the bullying and making sense of what has happened.
If you feel that your child may need to speak to a professional about their experiences being bullied or if you need support on how to navigate this situation in where your child is being bullied, book an appointment with Wendy or one of our other wonderful psychologists at Drop Of Life.
Registered Psychologist Drop of Life Psychology Clinic