Mental Health
Jul 16, 2024

12 Steps to Putting Yourself First Without Feeling Guilty

We live in a society that admires Selflessness (and portrays it as a character trait that we should be subscribing to). So, I thought it would be a good idea to define the difference between Selfish and Selfless, and the reasons why one is good for us and one is completely wrong for us.  

Selfish = When an individual is concerned with oneself and seeking/concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being.  

Selfless = Is having no concern for self.  

Which one sounds healthier?  

It is our 1 job in life to look after ourselves. You are the only one that truly knows everything about you; every cut and bruise, every harsh word, every loving look… everything! Therefore, it makes sense that we should be our own best friends. By doing that, we would be giving our mate the great advice of being ‘concerned with oneself and concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being.’  

To be clear, this is NOT being unkind and NOT going against our values and morals. It's simply making sure we are OK first.  

Think about the safety instructions on a plane, where they tell you ‘Please supply oxygen to yourself before you assist other passengers.’ This is not said to fill in time before take-off, or until the drink cart arrives. It is said because if you are dead, or not able to breathe, you can't anyone!

Below are my 12 quick and easy steps to putting yourself first without feeling guilty.

M – Mindset. Your mindset is EVERYTHING, every choice you are making is based on your Beliefs and what you Believe to be true

Y – Yourself. Typically, our mindset is set up in our Youth and never challenged!  

S – Self. This life is all about what fulfils you and makes you happy!

E - Esteem. Our self-esteem is set up when we are younger by what is mirrored to us!

L – Language. Our internal and overt dialogue is so very important and mostly!

F - Finalise. Make it a daily practice to look after yourself!

MMindset - Think about going to a day spa for a WHOLE day and being decadent and pampering yourself. What are the top 3 things that stop you booking the appointment now?

Y- Yourself – Is this YOUR actually belief or has it been ‘gifted’ to you by Parents, Society, Friends, Family? Be honest!  Who ‘gifted’ you this Belief and What is your fear if you change it?

S – Self – What makes you HAPPY? If you don’t know then you need to start experimenting!

E – Esteem – What do you Believe is true about yourself? What are your strengths and weaknesses?

L – Language – This is a big one! Spend a day hearing what you say to others and yourself about yourself e.g. (after you make a silly mistake, do you say “WOW you’re an idiot”?)

F – Finalise - Make this a daily practice to work through MYSELF. Give yourself permission to DAILY stop and slow down and go through these areas of your life.


Check out my online programs designed to help you connect with yourself and others:

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